Sunday, December 12, 2010

Wieners and other things

Yeah...you got that title right....what do you do when a first grade boy walks into the room in the morning and says, "Ms. Nerdy Mimi...my wiener hurts." Well, the first thing you do is NOT ask, "Oh, let me see." and you definitely DON'T ask.."Can I kiss it make it feel better." What you do say is, "Honey, your wiener is a private issue..." about which time you're interrupted so the child can say, "Yeah, it is about my privates, and they are an issue." So, you quietly write a note that said child has "wiener pain," and send him to the office.

And that's how to start a day in first grade...Seriously! As you're busy recovering from that experience and trying to get the rest of the class off the focus of wieners, kid number two comes and up and says, "Remember yesterday, when I had the diarrhea?" To which of course I answer, "Yes, and you went home to take care of that." Two then says, "Well, I need to tell you that when you have the diarrhea, it REALLY, REALLY..STINKS!" At which point you say, "Don't you need to get things taken care of so you can go to your special movement session?" Hoping that this will distract him and make him think of something other than stinky moments of yesterday.

Now, you breathe a sigh and start looking at notes from home, whose riding on which bus and who is getting a ride home, who has homework to turn in and who does not, who feels good, and who has to use the restroom...well, you kinda get the picture of morning in first grade. This feels really comfortable by now, so it's not like it's the least bit stressful, that is until tiny little R stands up, raises her hand and says, "I have balls and I brought them to show today." Now R is a girl, so you're pretty sure she really didn't but by this time your'e really not sure.

R continues to reach in her bag and pull out three glass ornaments, that are in the shape of, you guessed it, balls. She then says, "See, red, gold, and green balls...can you believe it?"

I just have to say, at this point...I'll believe anything!

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