Too Much Information (TMI)

From now on, just know that I'm using false names for everyone but me and my pets...so I'm not going to do the "I'll call them..." thing anymore. I decided to do this because I'm pretty sure that I won't sue myself, and the pets...well, they can't afford food, let alone a lawyer!

Yesterday, as I was leaving the gym to drive home, I got behind a white car, small type, think it was a Chevy...anyway we were stopped at the stoplight, and I looked at her bumper sticker. The bumper sticker read, (and I'm not kidding here) "The reason I'm speeding" (was on the first line it a little larger font) and the second line read. "Is because I have to poop." I kinda chuckled and thought both of my 20 something kids, Felicity and her brother Tater Tot, would LOVE that bumper sticker.

This got me to thinking about all the things I know about people that I really have either no desire to know, or probably just don't need to know. I'm sure all of you have been in a conversation with someone and thought, "Why would they TELL me this?" but you continued to listen politely, nod your head in the right places, and mutter mmmmhmmmm appropriately. Like the time I was working in an office setting and one of my co-workers told me that she was going home, because she (and I totally quote here) "has a vaginal yeast infection." Now, at this office, we used to post, beside our initials, what we were doing when we weren't in the office. For example if we were working at home, it would be WAH (love that acronym), it pretty much depended on the individual, just how much information was on that board, but it was in a very conspicuous place, so pretty much everyone knew everyone's business.

In this instance, I looked at her and said, "So what would be the acronym for that?" TOTALLY kidding...she stood there for a moment and said CCI...I thought for awhile and said, yeah, put that up there, see what people say...Now, you think about it, she had a yeast infection which causes what? Yes, Itching, where? in the crotch area, and it's chronic...CCI....She chose instead to put, "Home sick with vaginal yeast infection," and I'm not making that up. Someone decided that was TMI and erased all but the "home sick," part. I'm sorry if this is TMI for you, but I did warn you in the Blog title.

When I was teaching 8th grade, kids would come up to me and say, "Ms. Nerdy Mimi, I have to go poop." I was always shocked that they thought I cared about which bodily function was going to take them out of my room, but it seemed to be something they needed to tell me. My first thought was to say, "Congratulations!" and send them on their way. Once I did this a few times, which I thought would be a deterrent, because a sarcasm laden Congrats would deter me...it occurred to me that this bodily function statement was increasing. Finally I told them all, "If you need to leave the room to go somewhere, tell me where you need to go, not what you're going to do, If I need to know what you're going to do, I'll ask." That seemed to clear things up for them, and basically solved the problem.

It's equally "interesting" when someone has a colonoscopy, which by the way I've had, and I'll just tell you that it's not fun, and the preparation part is even worse. But, if you've never had one, you'll just be amazed at how graphic people will get in their talking about this. The preparation part involves cleaning out one's colon so it's squeaky clean, so the Doctor can put a tube in there and see what's going on. If you don't know where the colon is, look it up, because the tube does not go in your throat....nope, other end for sure. So, it's so fun to sit across from someone at the lunch table who tells you all about their preparation experience, which almost always involves toilet stories and intestinal cramps...and then how they felt about the procedure itself. Yeah, not a fun lunch, just gotta hope you didn't bring chili to eat that day!

I'll close with the pregnancy TMI. There are those that get pregnant, gain weight and have a baby in 9 months. They share little bits and pieces of the pregnancy, like, " I heard the baby's heartbeat today," or "I had an ultrasound, wanna see pics?" Those are the kind of people who you don't mind hearing from. The ones who tell every little blow by blow, the weight gain, the medication, the testing, the examinations, the dilation, the birth canal...well, you get the point. Some of those things you just don't need to imagine.

So, when you're telling your story, and believe me, I've probably done the TMI thing in my life too, just remember, the person across the table may be just trying not to picture you sitting on the toilet while you're colon becomes squeaky clean.